Guys, it’s been a real roller coaster of a day. We all woke up without a lot of grace for each other. I won’t lie, I was 80% of the problem.
The day definitely did not improve with the news of school being done for the year and the other new steps put in place to try decrease the flood of patients to hospitals. Let me be clear, I am in favor of all restrictions to stem this tide. But, being in favor of it does not mean that it’s not hard. This season of waiting and isolation feels so very reminiscent of my first postpartum experience. When you weren’t sure if life would ever go on as it did before. And, then you realized it wouldn’t. It would always be different. You would find yourself again, but you too would be different. I feel like that will be true of this as well. I am hopeful that we will all grow in healthy ways through this, but I also know we will lose some people we love. I think about how much this is impacting this generation we are raising and what kind of scars they will carry forward. My girls are taking this all very hard. Their emotions are up and down. And it doesn’t help that mine are as well. I just can’t always be patient and gracious with their behavior. Sometimes I’m unkind in my need to not have to deal with them. But, you know what? We’re all just figuring this crazy mess out. I'm so very grateful that this is how they ended the day, together, reading (not fighting...and no, my 4 year old doesn't know how to read). It feels like a little redemption in the midst of all this loss. I have a deep and abiding hope in something that is bigger than our confusion, our pain, our sickness and morality. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the hurt of all these things. Being aware, informed and feeling the tension of this time does not mean that you have abandoned your beliefs. It does not mean your faith is weak. My faith is in a God who can hold all of this. My faith is not that I will survive unharmed or live a comfortable life. Of course, I'm human and I hope for and ask for that. But, I know that is not what the Lord promises. He promises himself and himself alone. I have concern for the constant rhetoric of people telling us not to fear. It’s true, we should not have fear. I think it’s important to note that, yes, the Bible tells us not to fear or worry more than any other exhortation. But, I think something we miss in that is that Good knows us so much better than we know ourselves. Maybe he tells us that over and over because he knows we live in a broken world and he knows things will make us fearful and anxious. He knows we need to hear it from him hundreds of times in multiple ways. It’s a reminder that he knows us and loves us and does not desire these things for us. It is not a condemnation on us if we have worries; it’s a reminder to bring those to him and enter into the causes of our worry WITH him. I worry (yes, I said it) that this emphasis on "not worrying" will make those who already struggle with anxiety on a regular basis feel that they are not valid. That their concerns make them weaker or not faithful enough or that it's just another mental health issue they (we) have to solve. So, maybe instead of saying "I'm not worried" or "We should not worry because we have the Lord." We should say, "I know that you are worried, that makes sense. Let's turn to the Lord together in this and seek Him to help give us peace." Not an answer, not an invalidation of people's legitimate concerns as we all approach this very new reality. I am also hopeful that this period of time we are in could bring a lot of us to a place where we do learn what it means to truly not fear. So, let's do this thing together. We are for sure not alone, even when we're apart. ReplyForward
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June 2020
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